I had this whole blog post planned about fitness and working out, but no matter what I came up with it felt trite. So, I started to think about something more meaningful to me and what information or experiences I wanted to convey.
The photo above is of FTM model Aydian Dowling. He’s more buffed and ripped than I could hope to achieve. Also, fucking hot as hell.
I like trans men.
That’s a pretty rare statement to hear. As a gay man, I like hot muscled or toned trans men.
Only recently have I admitted that to myself. It took a lot of emotional struggle and reflection to come to terms with that. It surprised me because I always pictured myself as a liberal person. It’s not until we are challenged that we notice remnants of things like misogyny and racism within ourselves.
I was confused about what this meant for my sexuality. I didn’t know anything about the trans community. What was gender identity? I never had to understand that about me. I always identified as a man without question.
I took this as an opportunity to ask myself these questions and explore this part of my sexuality. Here is where my queer trans brethren may become upset with me, that’s fine. I read a lot from trans saying folk they detest the idea of being a person’s experiment. This doesn’t change that this sort of thing happens both for cis and trans people alike. We do experiment sexually with each other as a fact of existing as people.
I sought out trans men online and openly admitted to them my ignorance both sexually and culturally. The point was to make us both at ease with the fact that this might get awkward as hell on multiple levels for us both. Luckily I found a guy that had no experience with cis men. It was going to be a mutual experiment.
We proceed to meet and we were both ravenous. It was a great time exploring the tastes and textures of his hole while giving him tips on how to suck his first uncut cock. I couldn’t stop pounding his wet hole and he didn’t want to stop riding until I came. We are still friends and still occasionally hookup when we can.
But, I know the real reason it took me so long to come to terms and say aloud my attraction wasn’t because I didn’t know if I would enjoy it or some confusion on sexuality or gender identity. These played parts but weren’t really looming issues for me. It’s because there is still an inherent stigma in even being attracted to trans men from both hetero and cis queer circles. It’s a stigma that I use to apply.
Jokes amongst gays about “Ew vagina” weren’t as funny anymore because I really liked how they felt. There is a sense that we should be disgusted by it inherently because the genitalia is of the opposite sex. Gay men look at you oddly and even treat you differently if you admit you ever slept with a woman let alone a trans person. You’re suddenly no longer allowed to identify as gay because of a vagina. Even within sex work, it’s never talked about. I do not believe I have heard of a single mainstream gay porn model admit they were attracted to trans men. If that’s false, leave a comment.
Both the gay and trans communities also have trouble bridging the gap with each other because there are so many nuances and ranges of experience. There is also the issue that many of the terms within the trans community itself haven’t been solidified when speaking on gender, sex, sexuality, genitalia, etc
Many trans folks will take major issue with me saying I fuck trans man pussy. But there are also many that have absolutely no issue with calling it exactly that. I had many a trans man tell me to just call it a pussy instead of using phrases like “front hole” or some other vague term. Compounding this issue is the feeling that people should educate themselves on trans issues. But there is a major lack of logic with statements like that.
Most schools don’t have comprehensive sex education for heterosexuals. As a gay man, I learned about gay sex sneaking books in stores and libraries and porn. It wasn’t until my early twenties I even knew what trans people were. Gender identity is a concept that people only just started grasping. I initially just had some people tell me to “google it” which you will also see in sex apps like Scruff. Ok, you’re figuratively telling people to jump head first into the vastness of the internet to find information on trans issues from politics, and gender identity, to sex, and sex terminology. What could possibly go wrong?! At a minimum if you don’t want to educate them then send them to a location where they can get real and accurate information. Otherwise, you have no place complaining about the ignorance you contribute to.
We still have quite a lot of work to do: individually as the gay community and collectively as a queer community. But until people start talking directly and frankly about these issues communication will always be poor.
I am still learning so please leave comments directing me to information on trans issues.
Hopefully my “coming out” and saying it publicly will give others the opportunity to ask themselves some serious questions and maybe say it themselves.