But where to start? That’s always the hard part, isn’t it?
As a ballet dancer an injury left me with two options: surgery or stop dancing. Being from a poor family and not having any savings, I chose the cheaper option.
Falling into depression l became inactive and gained weight being almost 300lbs at my heaviest. I couldn’t decide what to do with myself since dance made me so incredibly happy and complete. Returning to my old love of gaming helped me cope with what my reality was: middling employment, struggling with my undergrad degree, familial issues, weight and inactivity, lack of direction. Spending hours playing MMORPG’s I was able to temporarily escape and it helped me develop deep connections with online friends, but they became my only social outlet. This led to me having few real life friends. I became hermetic.
After a few years of trying to convince myself I was OK with the weight gain and solitude, there was a realization that nothing was happening in my life that made me enjoy living. I wasn’t moving anywhere professionally, I had few friends, did fewer activities, and felt unattractive, and wasn’t making memories..
The new goal was to start feeling good about myself and this started with my body. It was something finite, measurable, and completely within my control to change.
Coming from dance, regular gyms didn’t work for me. Figuring out exercises and machines was daunting and I was cheating workouts. What were my alternatives? Enter CrossFit.
Researching CF took me over a year as all I heard were horror stories. But, I found something out that made all the difference. Being so heavily community based it gave me a support system: coaches to make routines, people to hold me accountable for coming in and sticking to it, a mindset that encourages testing yourself and being a little uncomfortable, and a place with many like-minded people to make friends. All of us are at different fitness levels and have different goals, but group support is universal and unconditional.
Around this time I became online friends with people working in the sex industry. My interactions with them forced me to think more critically about my attitudes toward sex and sex work and my self-esteem: what do they really do, do they enjoy it, why do they do it, why don’t people respect them, do I respect them, could I do it, am I courageous enough?
This felt like an opportunity to explore my sexuality and I began looking into their lives and the sex industry. Even when faced with almost a global disdain for their professions many sex workers still have positive attitudes. It has not tainted their self-image or deterred them from their goals of education, charity work, and careers beyond sex work.
In trying to regain my self-confidence and put to rest some insecurities I started using social media: Instagram, Twitter, and Tumblr to hold myself accountable for the weight loss and new things I would be trying. It was time to start taking risks and finding out more about myself. I’m still on that journey but the encouraging comments and compliments have helped to start piecing me back together. It’s created a change in my perception of myself and my sexuality and what my goals are physically and professionally. Fitness and my interest in sex work and the people in it have encouraged me to take my first steps into the sex industry as a webcam model. I’m excited to see where this all leads, for better and worse.
Welcome to Escort Missions.